I thank God for the friends and family God has given me. I know they are putting up with a lot lately and I appreciate all the patience they have given me. As of late, I don't always have a lot of patience and I am not always nice.
The first chemo was this past Thursday. A long time friend came over and has stayed with me for the past three days. This allowed my husband to work, in case he needs to take time off later during this process.
We arrived at the oncology center at 10:00 a.m. The port had been put in the previous week, so they were able to access it pretty quick. It stings a little as they access the IV.
As they start hooking up the IV, my eyes tear up. I wish I was at home so I could lay in my bed and cry my heart out. I can't believe that I am having to go through this process. I am scared and anxious. I think about not only how I am going to get through today, but how will my body react over the next few weeks. I wonder how people make themselves go through this time after time. But I know the answer, just like me, they are wanting to have a longer life.
Once the IV was in, the drugs were added, and then more drugs were added, and then more drugs were added. The drugs have to be put through the IV one at time.
The nurses in the center are compassionate and kind (I can't say the same for myself) and my nurse gives me a hug. The other nurse in the center comes over and gives me a hug.
Every time a new drug is added, my nurse explains what they are giving me and how long the process will take.
While I am going through the process, it seems like I can feel everything my body is doing. My hands feel like they heat up, I get yucky tastes in my mouth. I wonder if part of this is imagined because I am so anxious. Every part of me wants to break and run. But being hooked to an IV makes this kind of difficult.
It is strange to think that without this process, my life expectancy would be 2 to 3 years. So, it is through the torture I put myself. I am not sure how much time chemo and a mastectomy will buy me, but the doctor is optimistic.
By the way, I have a great doctors. I like them all. When I am with my medical oncologist, I feel like I am watching a computer work. He is very concentrated and exact (which personally I appreciate). I think he must have a pretty high IQ. Then every once in a while he throws out something funny that makes you laugh.
During the day, my friend and I talk. She makes me laugh. She goes and gets us lunch. She watches a movie on her iPad and I watch a movie on my computer, even though I really can't pay attention. I know in my heart that if she had not been here with me today, I would have been more of a wreck than I already am. It is comforting to know you can have someone with you, who allows you to be yourself, and you don't have to hide your feelings.
The treatement finishes at around 3:00 p.m. For the most part, I just feel lathargic. But I know a lot of this has to do with the 2 Benadryl they gave me when the process started. Benadryl wipes me out.
The nurse reminds me that I have to be back tomorrow after 3:00 p.m. to get a shot to boost my white blood cells. All I can sarcastically think is "yay".
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