Recently being diagnosed with breast cancer, for the third time, has caused me to have a wide range of emotions, sometimes all at the same time. I now have new struggles to deal with that I really don't want to deal with.
On the negative side of this, I am extremely angry that my body has decided to try to destroy me. I find myself, at times, self-absorbed, unable to concentrate, scared, and angry.
On the positive side of this, I find that I have blessed to have amazing support from my family, friends, church family, and doctors. I have not only received many kinds words from people letting me know that they are here for me, and that they will be praying for me, but, I have people who call and check on me and people who have been assisting me while I go through this process. If I did not have this support I do not think I could make it through this new struggle.
On the downside of all of this, I have received many words, that are meant to be kind, but have been frustrating and hurtful. In telling people that I have cancer again, I have gotten responses like, "oh, don't say you have cancer, because then you claim it"; "you don't have cancer"; "if you have faith you will be healed"; "you have to believe you are already healed (tell that one to my body)"; or, "God died on the cross, so you don't have cancer (also tell that one to the body)".
These type of words are damaging. If I did not already have my faith and hope in God, these types of words would make me feel like I was deficient with God. It would make me feel like I had somehow deserved this path. And if for any reason, the cancer leads to death, that this would be my fault. And even though I know in my heart, the people that say these types of words are trying to give encouragement, I am quickly losing my patience with this.
I am curious as to who has the right to determine the path God has chosen for each person? Do they not think they will pass on to God someday? Do they know the date and time God has chosen for each person? Is is not our struggles that allow us to have the compassion for people and allow us to help people? Is is not these struggles that allow us to show the grace of God in times of trouble?
What is meant to be words of life, can be words of heartache. Can we stop the processes of God because it is inconvenient for us? Is the will of God to be stopped because what is going on is not what we want? Are we better than God, that we are to decide what is best for someone life? What if what we are going through is to reach someone for God?
What is faith? Is it not faith to accept that God is with us and we are under the will of God? Is it not faith to know that as we walk through the "valley of death, God is with us" and that "His rod and staff comfort us"? When did God promise us we would not have struggles in our life?
Faith is knowing that God is with us, that He is with us each moment of our life. That, be it God's will, he will pull us through and work miracles in our life.
It seems sometimes we forget that, under God, it is His will is to be accomplished, not ours. The struggles may lead to reaching out to someone who does not know God, and it may change their life. As a Christian, we must be careful not to become so selfish that in our arrogance we think we know all that God is. Remember that God said, "His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts".
When trying to encourage someone going through you struggles, please be careful with your words. Sometimes it is best to keep some of your religious opinions to yourself.
The words that I find more helpful are:
- I am sorry you are going through this.
- I will praying for God to strengthen you as you going through this. Make sure you pray.
- I will be praying for God to give you peace while you go through this. Make sure you pray.
- I will be praying for God to heal you. Make sure you pray.
Do not tell people to call you if they need anything, unless you mean it.
The best things I have found are when people:
- Call and say, how can I help you today.
- Call and say, how are you doing today. Though, if not the phone is not answered, don't be offended. It may be a bad day.
- Call and say, can I go with you to one of your treatments.
- Send a card of encouragement. I have been taping the cards to one of my walls in my office.
- I am bringing your dinner.
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